Shadows

Growing up in a big family, and I'm sure this happens in small families too, I was identified as someones daughter, or little sister. Hardly did I stand on my own. Although it was nice to sometimes enjoy the privilege that came with saying I am so and so's daughter, there was this constant shadow hanging over me; I could not seem to shake it. With this shadow came expectations; being the little sister meant that I should be just as brilliant as my older siblings, or as well behaved etc. finally I left home and went somewhere, where no one knew anything about my family. It was just me. I built my reputation on its own foundation. I was a clean slate, I could make you see whatever I wanted you to see. You had no one to compare me with. I loved this new sense of self. Finding myself. Creating myself. Becoming who I always wanted to be. I had confidence and I had insecurities, but it was me. The good, the bad, the ugly, it was me. I found myself, than a crazy thing happened, I got married; now I became my husbands wife. It was no longer just me; I had put myself back under someones shadow. I was lost behind him. Who would ever see me now? Would my talents be recognized? Would I be liked for me? Would I only be invited as his plus one for every event? Would my opinion matter? This person I had worked so hard to create, to become, to allow the world to see, to shine so bright, was being hidden in the shadow of my husband. It wasn't his fault or anything he did, it was the way the world saw us. I had left my world and entered his world and became only his wife. But than another crazy thing happened; the Lord met me there. He found me in the shadows, because he had put me there. You see, there was this women that I had created. The self confident women. I had created myself. I began to rely on the people around me and the things that I did to define who I was. In the shadows the Lord began to mold me and shape me into the women HE wanted me to be. In the shadows is where I began to find myself in christ. I started to become the women that God had always created me to be. Not self confident, but God confident. I no longer rely on others to define me, I rely on God to tell me who I am. What I think. How I feel. What I believe. What I should say and what I should not say. I am found in the shadow of HIS wings. I am not in my husbands shadow, or my families shadow. I am in the shadow of my creator. The author and finisher of my faith. God has a unique plan and purpose for my life. One only I can fulfill. So I must stay in HIS shadow and be defined by HIS standards to become the women HE always intended me to be. 

“And I have put My words in your mouth; I have covered you with the shadow of My hand, That I may plant the heavens, Lay the foundations of the earth.”

Isaiah 51:16 NKJV