Who am I serving?

Maybe I don't know what culture shock is, but my understanding had been that it only happens in other countries or when you have spent a long time over seas and their culture starts to frustrate you or you go back "home" and "everyone is so selfish!". What I've learned from culture shock recently is this, it can hit you at any time, at any place, it's that moment when you realize you're stuck. When reality hits you. You've signed up for an assignment and you didn't realize what that was exactly. You feel claustrophobic, like stuck in a cave, everything seems black and hopeless. You lose purpose, you lose sense of who you are, what you're doing with your life. 

Moving from a northern culture that I was comfortable with to a southern culture that was less than home to me, was a shock. When I signed up for a missionaries life I knew it meant leaving my family, leaving my state and going wherever my Lord asked me to go, but I didn't know it meant Mississippi. I thought it meant the jungles of Colombia. The villages of India. The mountains of Papua New Guinea. The Great Wall of China. Not a small blimp on a map. 

This isn't the first time God has brought to my attention that my focus is on doing rather than being with him, but obviously I didn't learn it, because I still cry and pout that I'm not doing "great things for God". He never asked me to me to go the jungles or the villages and tribes, he asked me to obedient to go wherever he sent me, to do all that he asked, and to say all that he told me to say. Who am I serving? God or missions? What is my heart after, my God or myself? 

As we begin this New Year, I pose the same question to you. Who are you living for? God or self? Where will you spend your time, money and resources? Getting to know your creator or just doing?